Email #64

here's today's, and i will be off for a little while, and i don't know when the letters will come back. but they will!

hey keith,
i would do anything for love, but i won't do that.
NO NO NO I WON'T DO THAT!
eric

see ya later, ya sex and drums and rock'n'rolls!

Email #63

i like short ones.

hey keith,
fork.
eric

see you tomorrow, ya snorks!

Email #62

it's been awhile but...movie day! i would have done this same one earlier, but i was convinced that i already had. so obvious.

hey keith,
you have to purify yourself in the waters of lake minnetonka.
eric

see you tomorrow, ya blouses!

Email #61

Today's deals with current events. namely the lamest thing that people always seems to put in their letters to the editor. there was one today, and it made me mad right before i sent the letter so, there you go.

hey keith,
for the cost of your favorite latte, you can kiss my ass.
eric

see you tomorrow, ya lame-o liberals!

Email #60

I know one thing for sure about today's, this is what it sounds like when I sing it. I hope you all have this in your head for the rest of the day.

hey keith,
i can't get the sanford & son theme song out of my head!
bum-bum bwa-dum, bum-bum bwa-dum buh-duh bum,
bum-bum bwa-dum, bum-bum bwa-dum buh-duh bum,
bah-dum bum-bum bah-dum bum bum BAM!
eric

see you tomorrow, ya big dummies!

Email #59

When you go to the wolves game and it goes into double overtime and still have to get up at six to go to work, you write short emails.

hey keith,
PICKLE-FART!
eric

see you tomorrow, ya shoe fuckers!

Email #58

here's today's. i'm too tired to say anything more about it.

hey keith,
sometimes i think about stuff. sometimes you think about stuff. it's amazing how much we have in common! we both poop too!
eric

see you tomorrow, ya forbes magazine sports idiots!

Email #57

i realized today that it had been a while since the last poop joke. i think anyway, it's not like i go back and read these. and oops! i spelled his name wrong!

hey kieth,
please use this message as a reminder of how important it is for you to start timing the hours/minutes between poops. if you don't have a stopwatch yet, get one!
eric

see you tomorrow, ya porn addicts!

Email #56

today, i have this song in my head for some reason.

hey keith,
i've been waiting for a girl like you.
eric

see you tomorrow, ya foreigners!

Email #55

today's is part of a new corporate sponsorship. ok maybe not.

hey keith,
guacamole carmel setter. indonesia bagpipes.
YOU HAVE EATEN YOUR LAST KRISPY KREME, BEGGAR!
next time, you spring for the doughnuts, fucker.
eric

see you tomorrow, ya dweedle wheedlers!

Email #54

today's is the first nice one i guess.

hey keith,
i know we've had our differences over the years, but at least you're not kevin mchale.
eric

see you tomorrow, ya touchy-feelies!

Email #53

well, here's today's

hey keith,
DON"T LOOK UNDER THERE!
eric

see you tomorrow, yabutts.

Email #52

today, a poem.

keith,
pajama, banana, copacabana!
you smell like all three!
eric

i'm off tomorrow, so see you next week, ya bed wetters!

Email #51

movie day again!

hey keith,
your chart says you're all fucked up.
eric

see you tomorrow, ya pistachio nuts!

Email #50

holy shit, look who's 50!

hey keith
you drool when you talk. you waste too much time counting your change. you don't realize how much easier it is to just forget about it. all this shit is driving you crazy!
eric

see you tomorrow, ya new forties!

Email #49

Let's all take a trip back to 1993.

hey keith,
you better chickety-check yo'self before you riggety-wreck yo'self
eric

see you tomorrow, ya dirty-gym-sock-masturbators!

Email #48

today's message is in a secret language! we have a surplus of letters to send here so were holding over until april 2nd, aka opening day.

hey keith,
oday ouyay ikelay otay ooppay? eway inkthay ayay oday!
eric

see you next week, ya m.u.s.c.l.e. men!

Email #47

here's today's selection, folks.

keith,
Lemmy is god.
eric

yes he is. see you tomorrow, ya horseshoe biters!

Email #46

Today, we pay tribute to an american hero.

hey keith,
i must have taken a wrong turn at albequerque.
eric

see you tomorrow, ya maroons!

Email #45

Today's selection was composed, by me, using refrigerator magnets at home.


hey keith,
eat dog crap,
bug boy!
eric

see you tomorrow, ya sap suckers!